Last week I featured one of her poems. Today, a short essay.
She sat alone again at the porch. Gazing without a blink at he yard in front of her, Empty face. Her mind flew at somewhere, near the window from our room I looked at her. My wife Linda, the woman I loved very much, She never be the same again after the tragedy.
“Perhaps she needs to get medication, she showed the symptoms!” said the psychiatrist who diagnosed depressions that my wife had, after the lost of our beloved daughter, Amy.
“She always woke up in the morning, anxiously!” I told the psychiatrist about Linda’s symptoms.
“I think you’re wife, had the depression. I will give you the prescriptions, she needs this medication, right away” I saw him wrote something on a piece of a paper. I never like drugs, or anything related to it, but my wife, I think she need it a lot.
That morning, I sat again on the edge of my bed. she still sleeping.
“Finally she can sleep tight” I said to my self. The pills she had last night really help her to stay in bed. It was a deep lost, Amy our only daughter had to leave before us. Because she was being kidnapped and the police found her body. It was a big ,horrible, and shocking news. I will never forgive the person who did this. Although he had already being sentenced to jail for years. He had taken my “pumpkin’ Amy, our 3 year-old sunshine, our love and spirit. The man who took away our little girl’s life, had broken all of the wishes and dreams we had for Amy.
I couldn’t imagine the despair that Linda had on her mind and heart, when she heard the news. What she felt for all of this, we were longing to have a child for seven years, and when the doctor said that my wife couldn’t have another baby, Amy’s presence was like heaven come to us. We were so grateful to have an angel like Amy. but what really happened, that the tragedy took everything away. It took Amy, my wife, and even my life. Though I didn’t cried every night, It’s hard to cope with everything, I still learned to control my emotions, I am thinking about my wife Linda who are changing into someone, I barely known.
“What about yourself Mr.Cane?” The same psychiatrist who helped Linda gave me the question” What do you feel?” he added.
I turn my head to Linda, who sat next to me, not only her, I felt the same sadness. A long gasp before I answered.
“Numb…” finally a word come out from my mouth.
“ I couldn’t feel a thing, as if I’m no longer…live, seeing her like this” my voice turned to husky. He listened to me carefully.
“I hope you’re not falling into the same depressions Mr.Cane, you need to be strong for your wife and especially for you’re self. When a ship is sinking, you don’t have to be drowned with it, you have a choice to be saved: He advice.
I understand every word he said, Perhaps I have to safe myself and Linda.
It was two weeks passed by Linda was in Amy’s bedroom. The place, still the same like the last time Amy at the room. The drawings on the wall, the pictures of us together at the Zoo, where Amy begged to touched the baby giraffe and other animals. from the look on her face, my wife showed nothing but sadness, I stood at the bedroom’s door looked at Linda.
“You need to let her go, honey?” I told her in a soft voice, though deep down inside me, I never be able to do what I asked her.
“But…I missed…my baby…” she uttered, with tremble in her voice,
“I do miss her too, Linda” I want to know that breathing everyday knowing our only precious daughter had gone was not a simple thing to do.
And all the sudden Linda screamed out loud : I want her back!! Jim….” Linda cried hardly and wept. She confronted me and shook my shoulder.
’I waannt …her back!!” She exploded and continually repeated the sentences. I stood there stiff for a second. My eyes couldn’t hardly stop the tears inside. I almost felt devastated.
But then… I hugged her,” I know ..honey…I know…” it was the worst feeling I ever felt, knowing my life has changed drastically, the losing of my only child, and a wife that couldn’t face the reality.
“Do you think it will help us both, we have to let her go…Linda…she’s gone, anything we do won’t bring her back. Honey…do you really love Amy? I asked her gently. Trying to make her sober again. I hold her body tight with my arms. She cried and later on kept in silence.
“Is this the right way to love her? Memorizing her? don’t you think that she’ll be very sad to see us like this , Linda” I tried to explain all the things.
“Listen to me, have you ever wonder all that she gave us nothing but happiness, she wants us to be happy. Linda?” I want her to listen to every word I said.
My heart pounded so hard, the emotions runs my blood so fast, I hold my breath. the feeling of hurt inside, has taken my insanity.
“What about me? Do you still love me, as you’re husband? We already lost Amy, now I want my old wife back,… you….Linda ..you.. I want..you!!” With a tremble and a husky voice, I tried to control my emotions,. I looked at her, my eyes were begging her so hard to stop the mourn. Linda looked back at my eyes very long, and then she move forward, she touched my face, gently. Trying to understand my feelings for her. And then she leaned her head to my shoulder and as moments went by her tears subsided. There were a long silence in between. We didn’t say a word. She seemed to lost in deep thoughts,and then she asked. something.
”Can we bring a child to this house?” she looked at me again, wishing my answer. I never saw anything like it, the searched of another hope, that’s all she showed through her beautiful blue eyes. Hurting her will be another broken. I smiled, and gently kissed Linda’s forehead..and said,
“Honey,….My love.. if you consider to adopt a child. I’m sure that Amy is the first person who will be happy. I think it’s our best way to love Amy. Live a life like it used to be…. again.”
My eyes searched again in to hers. The eyes of denial had started to fanished, I hold her again in my arms. A glimpse of smile eventually emerged on Linda’s face. I believe, somewhere in Heaven, someone, Our Precious Angel, felt the same!
By entrusting us with your feelings, we help you take steps that you see necessary to begin and put forth the energy to make the needed change.
Now notice something: Trust in a coach, mentor, or guide helps you see what's in front of you. We see a Coach for Your Heart a little like an emotional Sherpa, somebody that helps you climb your mountain by pointing out where to best step along the path.
Offices in San Diego and Denver, but will travel to meet onsite anywhere in the United States and the World.