I’m not going to drone on about how badly this feels, how lost you’ve become, and how the cold grip of rejection has ripped your spirit from its moorings so packs of wolves can take turns gnawing on your love pump, leaving you a bleeding heap of angst spreading hopelessness to the inner darkness of your soul.
No, I’ll pass on that part.
Let’s move right along to “what the hell do I do now?”
By now you’ve probably been told the following:
“You’re better for having been dumped.”
“She/He wasn’t worth your time.”
“If you just stay busy, things will get better in no time.”
“Make sure you have no contact. Don’t look at his/her social media accounts, don’t text, don’t call, nothing.”
“Have you thought about why this happened? Maybe you need to improve yourself.”
Let’s just say that these folks aren’t all moronic toadstools of stupidity with IQ’s that measure only in binary proportions ( “1” or “0”.) At the very least, those that tell you those things haven’t really thought out their responses.
Rather, here’s what you need to do, in order, to get through a breakup quickly and with your essence in tact. Put this on your bathroom mirror:
Stop-and I mean it, STOP RIGHT NOW-any efforts that try to get you back into the ex’s good graces. In short, STOP ASKING YOUR EX TO TAKE YOU BACK. You’re not going to change their mind in the short term, to be sure. If they reconsider your presence in their lives, they will let you know without any further prodding from your insecure, anxiety riddled self. A return to the scene of the crime happens about one in ten breakups. In other words, if getting back together was a horse, I wouldn’t bet on it.
Sit with the pain. Let me repeat this in capital letters like I did the last one so it gets your attention: SIT WITH THE PAIN. Your moods will be all over the place. You’ll be a sobbing pile of dog pus one minute, morphing into Jersey Joe Walcott the next. Sadness to violence to confusion and back again. Just be there. Do the best you can to let the feelings pass so you don’t fall into the pus bucket or start swinging for somebody’s face while plotting their demise. And “the best you can” falls into four categories, which are…Talk to somebody as often as possible, cut way down on your sugar, exercise like a banshee, and meditate or start yoga.
Talking to somebody helps you identify what it is that you’re upset about and what is clogging your head with nonsense. Often, if you can hear the words you’re thinking, it gives them form and format. It makes it easier to find a solution.
Sugar activates that same part of your brain as stimulants, like cocaine and crystal meth. You feel a temporary high but very shortly thereafter you get dropped on your ass. And you’ll gain weight, which adds to the “I suck” feeling.
Exercise is, in time, as good or better than an antidepressant without the side effects, but doing daily exercise is akin to driving hot nails into your face. Exercise sucks, but it’s necessary, so you’ll need to tough it out. It’s guaranteed to make you feel better. You need to do it every day or pretty much five days a week, and doing it with a partner helps you get to it. And when I say “a partner” that can be a dog. “Exercise” means aerobic exercise. If you’re going to walk with a dog, make sure it’s a greyhound, a whippet or a big dog with a bad attitude. That last one will help develop your shoulder muscles, too.
Meditation is amazing, and Yoga is wonderful in it’s instruction and group dynamic. Both help a lot with depression and anxiety. Start one of them. I would urge you to explore CD’s by Pema Chodron, who is both kind and brilliant, and actually go to a class for yoga, no matter how ugly your feet or how large your butt.
It’s a choice between feeling badly or feeling better. Do this, you’ll feel better. You’ll miss that person from time to time, but you’ll hold yourself together longer.
By entrusting us with your feelings, we help you take steps that you see necessary to begin and put forth the energy to make the needed change.
Now notice something: Trust in a coach, mentor, or guide helps you see what's in front of you. We see a Coach for Your Heart a little like an emotional Sherpa, somebody that helps you climb your mountain by pointing out where to best step along the path.
Offices in San Diego and Denver, but will travel to meet onsite anywhere in the United States and the World.